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Sporočilo |
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| Pia |
 Objavljeno: 23 Jul 2008 06:24 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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When you have an "I Hate My Job " day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home :
Lock your doors
Draw the curtains
Disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable pajamas and sit in your favorite chair.
Carefully open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins:
Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice, in small print , there is a statement.
"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested."
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:
"I am so thankful that I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."
HAVE A GLORIOUS DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS! |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 23 Jul 2008 17:59 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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It's Really True
Once, there was this guy, who was in love with a gal.
She wasn't the most beautiful and gorgeous but for him, she was everything.
He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him, "why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not? First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".
He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her. One day when he proposed, she rejected him.
His friends thought he would take to alcohol; drugs etc. and ruin his life.
To their surprise, he was not depressed. When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied, "why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one who really loved and cared for her." |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 31 Avg 2008 20:39 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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KEEPER
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best
friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers,
tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress; lawn mower in his hand, and dish-towel in hers. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain
rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress.
Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that
re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... While we have it... it's best we love it... And care for it.... And fix it when it's broken..... And heal it when it's sick.
This is true... For marriage.... And old cars.... And children with bad report cards..... Dogs and cats with bad hips.... And aging parents.... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special.... And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper', so I've sent it to the people I think of in the same way.
Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 02 Sep 2008 13:12 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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Nekaj v premislek, za lep dan in -- sploh pa -- za lepše življenje!
Na predavanju z naslovom Obvladovanje stresa je učitelj dvignil kozarec poln vode in vprašal zbrano občinstvo: Kaj mislite, kako težak je ta kozarec? Odgovori študentov so bili različni, od 20 gr do 500 gr.
Absolutna teza ni pomembna, jim je odgovoril učitelj. Pomembno je, kako dolgo držim ta kozarec v roki. Č ga držim eno minuto, bo vse v redu. Č ga držim eno uro, me bo bolela roka. Č ga bom držal cel dan, boste morali poklicati zdravnika. Dlje časa kot ga držimo v roki, težji postaja kozarec, pa čeprav je teza ves čas enaka.
Podobno je z našimi skrbmi: Č jih boste nenehno držali v sebi, bodo postajale vedno težje in težje in zdelo se vam bo, da ne morete naprej. Zato odložite kozarec, počivajte nekaj trenutkov in ga nato ponovno dvignite. Naučite se odložiti bremena, ki vas tarejo, saj lahko edino na tak način učinkovito delujete.
Svetujem vam da odložite delovna bremena, ko se boste danes popoldne vrnili domov. Ne nosite jih v domačo hišo, saj jih boste jutri spet lahko odnesli s seboj.
Življenje je kratko, uživajmo ga!
…pa lep dan še naprej!
PS: Verjemite, vem o čem govorim. Sama sem potrebovala 10 let, da sem
odložila svoje breme, zato bom večno bom hvaležna svojemu Učitelju. |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 05 Sep 2008 18:21 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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?
MISEL DNEVA:
Sex je največja prevara na svetu;
misliš, da si v sedmih nebesih,
v resnici si pa centimeter od riti.
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| Nazaj na vrh |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 09 Sep 2008 10:17 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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5 - MINUTE MANAGEMENT LESSONS
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
*********
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
*********
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
*********
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*********
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
*********
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter.It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of this story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
********* |
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| igor |
| Objavljeno: 09 Sep 2008 13:21 |
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Pridružen/-a: 25.06. 2007, 10:24
Prispevkov: 496
Kraj: Ljubljana
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Pia je napisal/a: ?
MISEL DNEVA:
Sex je največja prevara na svetu;
misliš, da si v sedmih nebesih,
v resnici si pa centimeter od riti.
Pa kva pol! |
_________________
Kje je čreda? Čaka na boljše čase. |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 09 Sep 2008 21:11 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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igor je napisal/a: Pia je napisal/a: ?
MISEL DNEVA:
Sex je največja prevara na svetu;
misliš, da si v sedmih nebesih,
v resnici si pa centimeter od riti.
Pa kva pol!
Pravzaprav se zelo bojim, da bomo potem na višku ekstaze, ko bomo vzneseno vzklikali: Oj, kako dobro, .... fasali račun
Pa bomo spet v riti.
Samo tega ne! |
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| Nazaj na vrh |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 14 Sep 2008 13:35 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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Kaj je dolgo samo 8,5 cm ter
zanesljivo zadovolji vsako žensko?
(kjerkoli in kadarkoli)
Odgovor se skriva spodaj : .....
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| Nazaj na vrh |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 17 Sep 2008 04:53 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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| Svet je zadosti velik za vse človekove potrebe, ne pa tudi za njegov pohlep. |
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| Nazaj na vrh |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 19 Sep 2008 11:07 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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Nekateri tako hitijo podirati za seboj vse mostove,
da nekega dne presenečeno odkrijejo,
da so podrti tudi vsi mostovi pred njimi. |
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| Nazaj na vrh |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 21 Sep 2008 22:36 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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V vednost vsem deloholikom
"Delo ni penis, lahko stoji tudi dva dni!" |
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| Nazaj na vrh |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 22 Sep 2008 06:27 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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Quote for the day:
'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'
So - if you give her crap, you will receive a bucket full of shit.
Love and appreciate all the women in your life.
BELIEVE IT! |
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| Nazaj na vrh |
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| Pia |
| Objavljeno: 22 Sep 2008 19:40 |
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Pridružen/-a: 15.06. 2008, 05:07
Prispevkov: 421
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“Duhovni propad družbe se začne, ko zaznamo
* politiko brez načel,
* blaginjo brez dela,
* trgovino brez poštenja.
* zabavo brez vesti,
* izobraževanje brez vzgoje,
* znanost brez človečnosti,
* življenje brez vere.” MAHATMA GANDHI
Vse to pa imamo. |
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| igor |
| Objavljeno: 24 Sep 2008 13:11 |
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Pridružen/-a: 25.06. 2007, 10:24
Prispevkov: 496
Kraj: Ljubljana
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Francoska spletna stran "Vie de merde" ali "Sranje pa takšno življenje" na kateri zbirajo komentarje in misli o našem življenju. Tole so prispevki uporabnikov:
Da bi možu naredila veselje sem si nadela čipkast pas s podvezami za nogavice in mrežaste žabe. Rekel mi je, da sem podobna z vrvico povezani svinjski pečenki
Danes je mimo leto dni odkar me je moj fant vljudno dal na čevelj, potem ko me je še zadnjič pofukal. Čez par dni sem mami povedala, da me je zapustil. Pa me vpraša: A zato, ker si noseča?? Sranje pa takšno življenje!
Po neštetih pregledih pri zdravnikih so mi ravnokar povedali, da sem neploden? Moja žena je že drugič noseča. Mislim, da bom temu otroku gotovo postavil marsikatero vprašanje.
Moja hči, stara 9 let, ki jo vzgajam čisto sama, je morala v šoli napisati prosti spis o osebi, ki jo v svoji družini najbolj občuduje. Dobila je minus pet za besedilo z naslovom "Skippy, moj morski prašiček".
Danes sem mirno čakal prijatelja na železniški postaji. Sedel sem na tleh, ker ni bilo nikjer nobenega stola. Pride nek starček in me prične zmerjati, češ da je Francija v riti zaradi brezposelnežev kot sem jaz, ki živijo na plečih drugih ljudi. Sem študent...
Moja punca mi je danes podarila knjigo z naslovom "Seks za luzerje".
Danes me je moja pet let stara hči videla, kako se oblačim v kopalnici in me vprašala: "Ej mami, kdaj mi bodo zrasli joški?" in "A se mi bojo tud tko povesili kot tvoji?"
Danes sem fantu hotela povedati, da sem noseča. Tik preden sva se dobila, prileti moja najboljša prijateljica vsa v solzah in mi pove, da z njim seksa že več kot dva meseca.
Danes mi je davkarija poslala pismo s plačilnim nalogom, da sem jim dolžan 250 evrov. Ker nisem vedel, kaj se dogaja sem jim telefoniral. Res so se zmotili. Dolžan sem 1.250 evrov.
Danes mi je punca poslala dva SMS. Na prvem je pisalo, da me zapušča, na drugem pa, da je bil naslovnik napačen....
Danes so na šoli pri telovadbi ocenjevali tek na 100 m z ovirami. Na cilju pride k meni prfoks in mi reče: ?Slabo!! Kaj boš naredil, ko bodo za tabo tekli policaji!??? Sem Tunizijec.
Danes je prijateljica svojemu mačku odsekala glavo, ko je zaprla okensko šipo
Šef pride v mojo pisarno in vpraša "No, na čem ravnokar delaš?". "Na odhajanju" rečem. Pozabil je, da me je že dopoldan vrgel na cesto
Danes sem garala v kuhinji, pripravljala sem male poslastice za mojega ljubčka. Slišala sem ga na stopnišču, ko je prišel domov in vpil po hiši: "Smrdi po dreku!! A kuhaš!!??" Vse sem vrgla v smeti. Opoldne bodo za kosilo sendviči.
Danes z menoj dela naša nova pripravnica. Ravno ko se mi je predstavila vidim pomočnika direktorja, ki gre proti moji pisarni. Punco na to opozorim in ji rečem, naj se pazi tega kretena. Tip pride noter ona pa reče "Dober dan očka."
Danes sem slekel ženo in jo začel masirati, da bi se sprostila, medtem ko gleda svojo priljubljeno telenovelo. Po 20 minutah, ko je bilo konec limonade, mi reče: "Lahko bi me v miru pustil gledati telenovelo!"
Kolegom sem hotel pokazati, kako znam na daljavo vklopiti "Web Cam" v mojem stanovanju. Gledali smo mojo ženo kako se dol daje z nekim tipom in mi nabija rogove. Ne vem še, ali se bom ločil, ampak te računalniške pizdarije se bom gotovo znebil.
Danes pišemo leto 2008 in z mojim hrčkom se igram na balkonu. Ker se noče igrati, ga malo dregnem z nogo, da bi se zbudil, on pa pade dol iz četrtega nadstropja.
Danes sem si v dnevni sobi ob gledanju TV hotel privoščiti malo užitka "sam s seboj". Ravno sem s spravil k delu ko zaslišim: "Veš, za te reči imaš svojo sobo!". Mama je v sosednjem prostoru za mizo reševala križanke.
Danes sem se vrnila iz Leclerca s polnimi rokami nakupovalnih vrečk. S hrbtom sem odprla vhodna vrata našega bloka. V veži vidim napis "SVEŽE PREBARVANO". Na vsak način mi zelena barva zelo paše. |
_________________
Kje je čreda? Čaka na boljše čase. |
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Časovni pas GMT + 1 ura, srednjeevropski - zimski čas
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Ne, ne moreš dodajati novih tem v tem forumu
Ne, ne moreš odgovarjati na teme v tem forumu
Ne, ne moreš urejati svojih prispevkov v tem forumu
Ne, ne moreš brisati svojih prispevkov v tem forumu
Ne ne moreš glasovati v anketi v tem forumu
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